Veganize Your Life.

I remember it clearly: I was in a cafe, swallowing my last bite of a sugar cookie, when I announced to a former beloved that I was now vegan. I said, "Okay, I'm done eating animals." That was July of 2009. I also remember that same night regretting that I didn't hallow my diet until the following meal, as there was a frozen pizza available to me (sadly, I gave it away). The vegan lifestyle has since challenged my self-discipline, including an ethical breakdown on October 31st, where I consumed three slices of cheese pizza (kryptonite); I was a Hypocrite for All Hallows Eve.

So you could say I'm new, I'm imperfect, I'm vulnerable, and I still struggle from time to time (I've been known to sit outside of non-vegan restaurants, pondering if I should "break" from my ideology). But I've included in the following guide, everything that has helped me exit the parking lots of these animal exploiting establishments unscathed; through the first 10 months of an animal-free diet, with minimal error. The hope is that at least one of my ideas aids you in your quest for freedom from animal dependency. Feedback is encouraged. Share your ideas!

Disclaimer: This guide was written for those who have already made the choice to become vegan.

1. You already agree that the consumption of animals and animal byproducts is unethical, unhealthy, or both. And being that you’ve already decided to attempt The Vegan Diet, I will not be expounding on WHY one should become vegan. (This will be presented in a later Bullet Guide).
2. You agree to the health benefits of eating vegan, and accept that humans are physiologically 100% herbivores.
3. You want to eat vegan, but you don’t want to suffer. You don’t want to work for what you feel is “just”. You’re overwhelmed. You don’t want to give up the foods you enjoy. You’re not sure what to eat.

• Questions to Ask: Who says one must “enjoy” the taste of food? When did your sole concern for food become its taste? Isn’t the point of consuming food to avoid the pain of hunger, not to evoke the pleasure of taste?
• Develop a Philosophy: Learn to eat for necessity, not pleasure. The purpose of nutrition is function; allow your body to operate at its highest level. Do not eat for a few nerve endings on your tongue! Forget your nose! Eat for your heart, your brain, your skeleton, your skin, etc.! This is your new Vegan philosophy. Use it. Relearn your purpose for eating. Your mission is now 99% complete.
• Start Now! Substitute Your Milk: soy milk, ALMOND MILK, rice milk, hemp milk, hazelnut milk, coconut milk: Delicious. Readily available. You will find one you like, and they are all PUSS free. If it seems strange, remember: somebody already sold you on the idea to drink a newborn calf’s nutrition, but you can relearn not to drink from its mother, A COW! Redefine what’s normal to you; redefine what’s important: your nutrition.
• Vegetable Haters Reform: Accept vegetables into your diet. Remember: the goal is to eat for necessity, not pleasure. Find your niche vegetable(s). Combine your niche vegetable(s) with your vegetative adversaries...challenge yourself to acquire their tastes.
• Learn to Cook: Yeah, yeah, you can boil noodles, and proportionately combine soy milk and cereal, however, it’s about that time to become impressive--to finally become awesome at something. Take an extra 30 minutes each day to prepare a new Vegan meal. You’re a master chef by year’s end.

• Fast Food is Still Okay: Taco Bell is your new friend; visit her often. Recommendation: 7-Layer Burrito minus cheese and sour cream. Or, substitute beans for pretty much anything! Warning: The BK Veggie from Burger King is not vegan (egg whites). But if you absolutely have to order something from the Burger King menu, by purchasing the BK Veggie, you are sending a message to Burger King that the public wants more vegetarian/vegan options, so it wouldn't be the worst order you've ever submitted.
• If You ABSOLUTELY Need a Vacation from Nutrition: OREOS are Vegan! Enough said. But if that isn’t enough for you: Semi-sweet chocolate (that’s right, cow’s milk and cacao beans have nothing to do with each other any longer!), Soy/Coconut Ice Cream, oh, and Sour Patch Kids are all enjoyable, and vegan, of course.
• Meat Substitutions: Remember, it is not unethical to "like" the taste of animals. The taste, combined with tradition, is the reason you were carnivorous until your herbivorous awakening. DO NOT let anyone sell you the idea that vegetable substitutes, emulating the taste of animal flesh, is some sort of hypocrisy. You were raised to enjoy the taste, and you still can, without harming your animal friends. Recommendation: Morning Star Hickory BBQ Riblets.
• "Are you crazy!? I'm NOT giving up cheese!": If I had a bullet point for every time I've heard this line, however, you in fact are giving up cheese. You're vegan now. You don't eat cheese. If cheese no longer existed, you would be forced to give it up, would you not? Well, guess what? Cheese doesn't exist anymore! Do not enable yourself. Keep it out of your home. Every meal you eat without cheese is a victory. Reward yourself (without cheese of course). There are plenty of substitutes. Try the not-so-vegan Veggie Slices if you want to take things slow and bridge the gap between the real deal and its vegan clones (for all you beginner vegans). ALSO: Pizza was originally pioneered without cheese, and is still amazing without it.
• Read Labels, Experiment, and PLEASE BE GOOD TO YOURSELF, if not your animal brothers and sisters: Food labels are becoming increasingly conscious of indicating if their products are vegetarian/vegan, but be aware that honey, whey, gelatin, lactose, casein, kefir, rennet, and renin are not vegan (I'll have more information concerning these ingredients in a future article).